The Riddle (by Squirrel245)
One of the funniest things I’ve heard in a while
New Challenger Approaching!
Ok so I’m at Whataburger and I’m eating french fries, right? Well I go to pick up my last fry and
ITS FUCKING PRINTED ON THE PAPER
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS WHY WOULD YOU HURT ME THIS WAY
i cried about the eggs
we all cried about the eggs
You would not believe what I went through to get those eggs
Saw this while listening to Sexy & I Know it
My sister was looking up davejade, but she slipped up and said cavejade, and we both thought:
“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I’M THE GIRL WHO’S GONNA BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN! WITH THE LEMONS!”
I call it Fighterstuck. It’s pretty much just Street Fighter with Homestuck characters. All of them are martial artists who are brought together by an interesting martial arts tournament hosted by a mysterious man known only as Mr. Noir.
The characters are listed below-
John Egbert: A skilled capoeira fighter who enters the tournament to test his abilities and meet other fighters
Rose Lalonde: A practitioner of Mantis style kung fu who enters the tournament with the intent of using the prize money to help her mother through her alcohol addiction
Dave Strider: A ninja trained by his older brother (who used to be the reigning champ of an underground fighting ring). Dave enters the tournament to test his skill
Jade Harley: A girl who only recently arrived on the mainland after living on an uncharted island for as long as she can remember, Jade is a self-taught master of monkey style kung fu who enters the tournament to make new friends
Jane Crocker: Jane is a kenpo fighter who enters the tournament to meet new friends and add new recipes to her cookbook (hey, CAPCOM did the same thing with El Fuerte)
Dirk Strider: A black belt in Shito-Ryu karate who enters to test his skills and see who is the better fighter: him or Dave
Roxy Lalonde: A natural-born user of the drunken fist (naturally), Roxy enters for the prize money, though she has no real idea of what she’ll do with it
Jake English: An adventurous kickboxer who enters the tournament for the thrill of the fight
Karkat Vantas: Karkat is a quick-tempered street-brawler who was born and raised in the slums. Lucky for him, the tournament isn’t subject to very many rules. Karkat enters to prove to everyone (possibly himself included) that he is one of the world’s strongest fighters
Vriska Serket: A prodigy of taekwondo (she’s so much like Juri already, so why not) who enters the tournament so she can “annihilate the competition” and prove that she’s the best
Terezi Pyrope: Vriska’s arch-rival, Terezi went blind due to slight brain damage that occurred when Vriska kicked her and she hit her head on the ground. Afterward, Terezi taught herself to sense the flow of the universe around her (sort of like the Force, but not entirely). Terezi is a master of dragon style kung fu, and she enters the tournament to face Vriska in a rematch
Sollux Captor: A friend of Karkat’s who studies Wado-Ryu karate, Sollux enters to challenge Karkat and see who’s the better fighter
Aradia Megido: A practitioner of the ancient art of Shaolin, Aradia enters to see if the technique is as formidable as she believes
Tavros Nitram: A skilled Muay Thai fighter, Tavros enters the tournament with the intent of donating the prize money to a children’s hospital (because fuck you)
Equius Zahhak: Equius, a heavyweight boxing champion, enters the tournament for a new challenge.
Nepeta Leijon: A master of tiger style kung fu, Nepeta enters to accompany Equius and settle their friendly rivalry
Feferi Peixes: A tai chi master, Feferi enters to make new friends and test her skill (this seems to be a recurring motive)
Gamzee Makara: Gamzee uses an unorthodox fighting technique that he developed himself. He enters to show people his technique’s potential (not sure what to call it though. Anyone has a suggestion, lemme know)
Eridan Ampora: Eridan practices jiu jitsu and enters hoping to meet someone who will fill one of his quadrants (because why not?)
Kanaya Maryam: A graceful crane style kung fu fighter, Kanaya enters the tournament in hopes of meeting new people (Rose in particular)
I present to you the Strider brothers in their pure Texan form.
I love distinctly Texan Striders more than I love breathing.
Here in Texas we have a saying, that’s like an anti-littering campaign or some shit, that says “don’t mess with Texas”
AND THIS IS BOTH TOO CLOSE TO AND TOO FAR FROM THAT FOR ME TO BE COMFORTABLE
Only one of my speakers is working because the other one went and blew out. Why the fuck do they make them go so high that the speakers blow out?! Don’t those asshats know what the fuck they’re DOING?
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